The Committed Believer · Parents, Kinship & Neighbours

Responding to Family and Neighbor Requests in Islam

Exploring appropriate Islamic responses to family requests and neighborly interactions.

6 questions · Medium · about 4 minutes

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6 questions, about 4 minutes.

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Show questions and answers Spoilers: every answer and explanation for all 6 questions.

1. What should a Muslim do if relatives or parents ask for something he cannot afford?

  • Apologize kindly and promise to help when Allah provides surplus wealth. (correct answer)
  • Borrow unnecessarily to fulfil every request.
  • Ignore them without explanation.
  • Say harshly that they have no rights over him.

Why

Spending on needy parents for necessary maintenance is obligatory when the child is able. But if parents are not in need and are asking for luxuries, a person should not incur unnecessary debts or borrow from others to provide them. If he cannot afford what they ask, he should apologize in kind words, explain his situation, and promise to help when Allah grants him surplus beyond the needs of his wife and children.

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2. If a person is already physically and financially able to perform obligatory Hajj, but their parents tell them to delay it, what should they do?

  • Perform Hajj, because obligatory Hajj must not be delayed for that reason. (correct answer)
  • Obey the parents and delay it in every case.
  • Delay it until they have much more savings.
  • Leave university in order to become financially able for Hajj.

Why

Hajj is obligatory only for someone who has the physical and financial ability to perform it. Once a person is able, obligatory Hajj must be done, and parents are not obeyed if they tell the person to delay it. But becoming financially able is not itself obligatory: a person is not required to leave studies, get a job, or save money just to make Hajj obligatory. If Hajj is not yet obligatory because the person lacks the means, then obeying the parents in continuing studies may be better.

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3. If parents ask their daughter to cut her hair in a permissible style that does not harm her, what is better for her to do?

  • Obey them to please them, even if she personally prefers otherwise. (correct answer)
  • Obey them if the haircut imitates men.
  • Refuse only because it is not her preference.
  • Assume every parental request about appearance is sinful.

Why

If parents ask for a haircut that resembles men’s haircuts or styles associated with immoral women, then they are not obeyed, because there is no obedience in disobedience to Allah. But if the haircut is permissible, does not harm her, and the only issue is that she personally prefers not to cut it, then the advice is to obey them. Even when obedience is not strictly obligatory in such a matter, pleasing parents is a means of attaining Allah’s pleasure.

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4. Should a man obey his mother if she tells him to make his wife uncover her face in front of non-mahram male relatives?

  • No, he should support his wife in obeying Allah and treat his mother kindly. (correct answer)
  • Yes, because pleasing the mother overrides hijab.
  • Yes, if the wife uncovers only once.
  • No, so he should cut off his mother completely.

Why

A Muslim woman must observe complete hijab in front of non-mahram men, including the husband’s male relatives who are not mahrams, such as his brother, uncle, cousin, and similar relatives. A mother’s request to uncover before them is a request to disobey Allah, so it is not obeyed. The husband should support his wife in obedience to Allah while remaining gentle and kind to his mother, explaining the ruling and showing her kindness through good words, gifts, and respectful treatment.

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5. What is the ruling on raising an orphan or poor child as one’s own without changing the child’s name or lineage?

  • It is one of the noblest good deeds. (correct answer)
  • It is forbidden like false attribution of lineage.
  • It is allowed only during war.
  • It makes the child legally the same as a biological child.

Why

There are two different matters that are sometimes called adoption. Raising and caring for a child without changing the child’s real lineage is permissible and is a noble good deed. But attributing the child to the adoptive family as if they are the child’s biological parents is prohibited, because Islamic rulings are connected to true lineage. The family that raises the child should be honoured and repaid with kindness, but they do not take the exact rulings of biological parents regarding lineage, mahram status, inheritance, and related duties.

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6. What approach is recommended when a non-Muslim grandmother wants to see her granddaughter but may influence her harmfully?

  • Adopt a moderate approach, maintaining kindness while preventing harm. (correct answer)
  • Cut off contact completely in every case.
  • Allow unrestricted visits no matter what she does.
  • Permit visits only if a religious scholar supervises them.

Why

The recommended approach is moderation. If the child is very young and unlikely to be influenced, cutting off contact may only increase family rifts. If the child is older and may be affected by harmful behaviour such as intoxicants or drugs, then visits should be supervised by the parents and ended if harm appears. This does not mean cutting off the grandmother completely; she should still be treated kindly and kept in touch with, while the child’s religious and moral wellbeing is protected.

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A note on these answers

These questions are for learning and self-testing. Explanations are drawn from the sources linked on each question and are not a fatwa. For a ruling on your own circumstances, please consult a qualified scholar.

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