The Committed Believer · Parents, Kinship & Neighbours

Dealing with Family and Neighbor Issues in Islam

Explore Islamic responses to conflicts involving relatives and neighbors.

9 questions · Medium · about 5 minutes

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9 questions, about 5 minutes.

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1. What is the better supplication to make for a neighbour who is causing annoyance?

  • Ask Allah to guide them and stop their harm. (correct answer)
  • Ask Allah to afflict them with a major calamity.
  • Avoid all du‘a because the wronged person may never pray against anyone.
  • Pray against them only if they are Muslim.

Why

The one who is wronged may pray against the wrongdoer, but the supplication must not overstep the mark. In this case, asking Allah to afflict the neighbour with a calamity is not advised. Better supplications include asking Allah to protect you from their harm, to cause the source of disturbance to stop, or to guide them. Praying for their guidance is better, because if Allah guides them, the annoyance may stop and the person who prayed will also be rewarded.

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2. When may a Muslim distance themselves from harmful relatives?

  • When mixing with them causes real harm to religious commitment or worldly wellbeing. (correct answer)
  • Whenever relatives are difficult or annoying.
  • Only after taking revenge for their harm.
  • Never, even if contact causes serious harm.

Why

The higher level is to uphold ties, forgive mistreatment, and respond with kindness, especially with relatives. But if a person fears real harm from mixing with relatives, such as harm to religious commitment or serious worldly harm, then they may avoid them and keep away from them. This should be done in a good way and only to the extent needed to prevent harm, not out of revenge or mere resentment.

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3. What is true upholding of kinship ties when a relative cuts you off?

  • Continuing to uphold ties with them for Allah’s sake. (correct answer)
  • Cutting them off in return.
  • Speaking to them only if they speak first.
  • Seeking revenge for being ignored.

Why

Upholding kinship is not merely responding kindly to relatives who are already kind. True upholding of ties is when relatives cut a person off, yet the person continues to uphold ties with them for Allah’s sake. If a relative refuses to speak and repeatedly causes hurt, then a person may limit the interaction; in that case, greeting with salam may be sufficient to avoid forbidden shunning. Reconciliation should still be sought where possible.

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4. What should a Muslim generally do when relatives mistreat them?

  • Respond with patience and kindness while seeking reward from Allah. (correct answer)
  • Cut off all ties immediately.
  • Retaliate in the same way.
  • Stop advising them completely.

Why

Mistreatment from relatives is painful, but the Muslim should seek reward from Allah, be patient, and try to uphold ties even when relatives cut them off. Responding to bad treatment with kindness is a noble trait and may soften hearts. This does not mean ignoring wrongdoing: the person should still offer sincere advice, criticize harmful actions in a wise way, make du‘a for them, and keep trying. If closeness harms religious commitment, contact may be reduced to the minimum needed.

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5. What remains obligatory even if parents treat a child badly?

  • Honouring them and treating them kindly. (correct answer)
  • Obeying them in every request, even sinful ones.
  • Travelling alone to escape them.
  • Despairing of Allah’s mercy.

Why

Honouring parents remains an Islamic duty even if their behaviour or treatment is bad. Allah commands kind treatment even when parents call to disbelief, while not obeying them in sin. The source also warns against responding to family hardship by doing something haram, such as a woman travelling alone without a mahram or giving up required hijab. A safer solution should be sought through wise relatives, a mahram household, righteous company, du‘a, patience, and trust in Allah.

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6. What should a Muslim do if parents order something sinful?

  • Refuse to obey that sinful order while speaking to them kindly. (correct answer)
  • Obey them because parents must always be obeyed.
  • Reject all parental advice from then on.
  • Delay the sin until they are no longer watching.

Why

Obeying parents is obligatory in what is good, but there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to Allah. In the case discussed, letting the lower garment hang below the ankles is not to be obeyed, even if parents demand it. The person should speak nicely, try to convince them, and choose the longest permissible clothing length that does not touch the ankles, thereby avoiding sin while minimizing conflict.

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7. What should someone do if their father pressures them to do haram work?

  • Refuse the haram action and seek a permissible alternative. (correct answer)
  • Obey because the father owns the business.
  • Continue the haram work until financially comfortable.
  • Assume family pressure makes the sin halal.

Why

Honouring parents is obligatory, but obedience is not binding when a parent commands sin. In the case discussed, shaving beards and helping others do so is haram, so the son should not obey his father in that. He may continue permissible barber work such as cutting hair, shaving heads, and trimming moustaches without touching beards, or look for another lawful job. Provision should be sought through halal means, trusting that Allah will provide a way out.

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8. What should a husband do when his mother mistreats his wife?

  • Seek reconciliation, advise his mother gently, and avoid enabling ongoing harm. (correct answer)
  • Force his wife to visit his mother no matter how badly she is treated.
  • Cut off his mother immediately.
  • Ignore the wife’s rights because the mother’s rights cancel them.

Why

The husband should be fair and wise, recognizing both his mother’s rights and his wife’s rights. He should encourage his wife to forgive and overlook where possible, but he must also gently advise his mother and remind her that harming Muslims, insulting them, or falsely accusing them is wrong. If the mother persists in mistreating the wife and her family, the wife is not obliged to keep visiting or mixing with her. If they meet, she should still give salam and return salam. The husband must continue honouring his mother and trying to reconcile, but he is not sinful if he does not force his wife into ongoing harm.

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9. What may a wife do if her husband’s sister repeatedly causes serious family problems despite reconciliation attempts?

  • Keep a distance and avoid close contact to prevent further trouble. (correct answer)
  • Seek revenge for the harm caused.
  • Force her husband to cut off his sister completely.
  • Cut off the husband’s parents even if contact with them is not harmful.

Why

If the wife has tried to reconcile, give gifts, honour the sister as a guest, and solve the problem, but the husband’s sister continues causing serious trouble and impugning people’s honour, then keeping distance may be the best solution. The husband’s family are not the wife’s close relatives whom she is obligated to maintain as kinship ties. However, they are the husband’s relatives, so he must not sever ties with them; he should continue upholding ties within limits that do not worsen the problem, advise his sister kindly, and treat his parents well.

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A note on these answers

These questions are for learning and self-testing. Explanations are drawn from the sources linked on each question and are not a fatwa. For a ruling on your own circumstances, please consult a qualified scholar.

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