The Committed Believer · Raising Children

Islamic Child Upbringing Principles

Explore key Islamic teachings on child rearing and upbringing responsibilities.

10 questions · Medium · about 5 minutes

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10 questions, about 5 minutes.

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1. What is the main criterion for determining which child is better?

  • Righteousness. (correct answer)
  • Gender.
  • Wealth.
  • Social status.

Why

Sons and daughters are both blessings from Allah, and both may become a source of good deeds if Allah blesses them. The statement that daughters are good deeds and sons are blessings is not known to be narrated from the Prophet ﷺ or his companions. The real measure of virtue is not whether the child is male or female, but whether the child is righteous. A daughter may be better for her parents in this world and the hereafter than a son, or the opposite may be true.

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2. What is the primary source of success in raising children?

  • Reliance on Allah’s help and guidance. (correct answer)
  • Prestigious schools alone.
  • Strict discipline alone.
  • Material wealth alone.

Why

Parents must take beneficial means in raising children, but they should not rely on their own knowledge, intelligence, schools, or methods as if those alone guarantee success. Guidance comes from Allah, so parents should seek His help constantly. When dealing with stubborn children, parents should use wisdom, patience, compassion, kind words, physical affection, and measured discipline. They should avoid verbal humiliation and harsh physical punishment, because these often increase resentment and stubbornness.

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3. Who is responsible for raising children?

  • Both parents together, each according to their role and ability. (correct answer)
  • The father alone.
  • The mother alone.
  • Extended family members instead of the parents.

Why

Raising children is a shared trust carried by both parents. Each parent is responsible according to their role and ability, and children are affected by both parents. When parents differ over methods of upbringing, they should consult one another and avoid sending contradictory messages to the children, especially in front of them. If they cannot resolve a method-related disagreement, they should seek advice from a trustworthy specialist or experienced adviser.

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4. What should parents do when a child is involved in serious sinful behaviour?

  • Stay engaged, seek Allah’s help, and try to guide the child with wise steps. (correct answer)
  • Cut off the child immediately in every case.
  • Give up because guidance is impossible.
  • Focus only on material support.

Why

Parents are responsible for raising and guiding their children and should seek Allah’s help in that duty. If there was neglect, they should repent and seek forgiveness. When a child falls into serious sinful behaviour, cutting off ties may sometimes make the situation worse, especially if the surrounding society encourages the sin. The source advises staying close, making du‘a, reminding the child of Allah, involving the child in beneficial Islamic activities, keeping them busy with good work, and not despairing of guidance.

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5. If a child’s parents follow different religions, which parent does the child follow in religion according to the majority view cited?

  • The Muslim parent. (correct answer)
  • The non-Muslim parent.
  • Whichever parent has custody.
  • The child must choose only after puberty.

Why

According to the majority view cited, a small child follows the Muslim parent if the parents are of different religions. Therefore the child is treated as Muslim and must be raised accordingly. The primary responsibility for care and upbringing rests with the Muslim parent. The mother’s husband is a mahram to the girl if he has consummated the marriage with her mother, but he is not automatically responsible for her upbringing unless he does so willingly. Helping raise her well is recommended and a means of great reward.

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6. When should a father begin teaching his children about religion?

  • When they reach the age of discernment. (correct answer)
  • Only after they start school.
  • Only when they become adults.
  • Only after they ask religious questions.

Why

The father is a shepherd over his household and is responsible for teaching and educating his wife and children. Religious teaching begins when the child reaches the age of discernment and can understand instructions. At that stage, the child should be taught Qur’an, appropriate hadith, wudoo’, prayer, dhikr for daily routines, and the difference between good and bad conduct. Parents are commanded to instruct children to pray at seven and discipline them regarding prayer at ten in the prescribed manner.

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7. When should parents begin teaching children Islamic etiquette about covering the ‘awrah, lowering the gaze, and asking permission before entering private spaces?

  • From an early age, before puberty. (correct answer)
  • Only after puberty begins.
  • Only when the child asks about these matters.
  • Only shortly before marriage.

Why

Children should be taught Islamic etiquette about modesty, covering the ‘awrah, controlling the gaze, and asking permission before entering private spaces from an early age and before puberty. This teaching should be age-appropriate, gradual, and connected to Islamic manners, not explicit in a harmful or premature way. As puberty approaches, children should also be taught the signs of puberty and the rulings they need, such as wudoo’ and ghusl, using careful language suited to their stage of development.

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8. When is it permissible to uncover the ‘awrah in front of a child?

  • When the child is below the age of discernment and cannot tell others what they saw. (correct answer)
  • At all times if the child is a family member.
  • Never, even in front of a newborn.
  • Only while an adult is praying.

Why

It is not permissible to uncover the ‘awrah in front of a child who has reached the age of discernment and understands what the ‘awrah is. Children should be trained to respect privacy and to seek permission at private times. If the child is very small and cannot understand or tell others what they saw, such as a very young infant, then there is leniency. The exact point may vary from child to child depending on mental and linguistic development.

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9. When may parents examine their children’s belongings?

  • When there are signs that the child may be falling into harmful or forbidden things. (correct answer)
  • At all times without any reason.
  • Never, even if clear harm is suspected.
  • Only if the child gives explicit permission.

Why

Parents are responsible for protecting their children from harmful influences. If there are signs that a child may be going astray or keeping something haram, parents may check belongings in order to stop harm early. But if the child appears righteous and there is no indication of wrongdoing, parents do not have the right to spy or inspect private belongings merely out of suspicion. If something haram is found, it should be removed or destroyed, and the child should be advised.

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10. At what age should children be instructed to pray?

  • Seven years old. (correct answer)
  • Immediately upon birth.
  • Only when they reach puberty.
  • Only after they ask to learn.

Why

Children should be instructed to pray when they reach seven years old. The command is addressed to those responsible for the child, with the father being first in responsibility and the mother sharing that responsibility. If the child reaches ten and still refuses to pray, discipline is prescribed, but it must be light and must not cause pain, injury, or harm. Teaching before puberty helps the child become used to prayer before it becomes personally obligatory.

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A note on these answers

These questions are for learning and self-testing. Explanations are drawn from the sources linked on each question and are not a fatwa. For a ruling on your own circumstances, please consult a qualified scholar.

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