Guidance for Mothers

Allah's Advice about the Parents After mentioning that one must confess His Oneness, worship Him with sincerity, and remain upright in obeying Him, Allah follows that by giving instructions regarding the parents. These appear together in many places of the Qur'an, such as Allah's saying, وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّـهُ وَبِالْوَلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـناً (Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents.) (17:23) Allah says, أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ الْمَصِيرُ (Be grateful to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.) (31:14) There are many other Ayat like this as well. Here Allah says, وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَـنَ بِوَلِدَيْهِ إِحْسَـناً (And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents.) (46:15) meaning, `We have commanded him to treat them well and show compassion towards them. Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded from Sa`d bin Abi Waqqas, may Allah be pleased with him, that his mother said to him: "Hasn't Allah commanded that you obey your parents Then I will not eat any food or drink any drink until you disbelieve in Allah." Thus she stubbornly abstained from eating and drinking, until they had to open her mouth with a stick. Then this Ayah was revealed, وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَـنَ بِوَلِدَيْهِ إِحْسَـناً (And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. ) This was also recorded by Muslim and the Sunan compilers, except for Ibn Majah. Allah continues, حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهاً (His mother bears him with hardship.) which means that the mother suffers hardship because of her child, such as fatigue, sickness, vomiting, heaviness, distress, and other forms of hardship that the pregnant women suffer. وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهاً (And she delivers him with hardship.) meaning, she also delivers him with hardship, suffering the pains of labor and their severity. وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَـلُهُ ثَلاَثُونَ شَهْراً (And (the period of) his gestation and weaning is thirty months,) `Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, used this Ayah along with the following two Ayat to prove that the minimum period of pregnancy (gestation) is six months: وَفِصَالُهُ فِى عَامَيْنِ (And his weaning is in two years.) (31:14) and وَالْوَلِدَتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَـدَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ (The mothers suckle their children two complete years -- for those who desire to complete the term of suckling. ) (2:233) This is a strong and valid conclusion, and it was approved by `Uthman and a number of the Companions. Muhammad bin Ishaq bin Yasar narrated from Ba`jah bin `Abdullah Al-Juhani that a man from his tribe (Juhaynah) married a woman from Juhaynah. She delivered a baby after six months. So her husband went to `Uthman, may Allah be pleased with him, and told him about that. Thus, `Uthman summoned her. When she was getting dressed, her sister started crying. She asked her: "Why do you cry By Allah, no one has ever approached me (for sexual relations) of Allah's creation except him (my husband). So let Allah decree (for me) as He wills." When she was brought before `Uthman, he commanded that she be stoned to death (for adultery). `Ali heard of this, came to `Uthman, and said: "What are you doing" He (`Uthman) said: "She delivered after six months! Can this ever happen" `Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "Don't you read the Qur'an" He said: "Yes, of course!" He (`Ali) then said: `Haven't you heard Allah's saying, وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَـلُهُ ثَلاَثُونَ شَهْراً (and his gestation and weaning is thirty months), and; حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ( two complete years) (2:233) (Subtracting the two numbers) we are only left with six months." `Uthman, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "By Allah, I did not see that! Bring the woman back." But they found that she had already been killed. Ba`jah continued: "By Allah, no two crows and no two eggs are more similar than that child turned out to be to his father! When his father saw that he said, `By Allah! This is my son without any doubt.' Later on, Allah afflicted him with a skin abscess in his face (because of his false accusation to his wife). It kept eating him up until he died." Ibn Abi Hatim related from his father that Farwah bin Abi Al-Maghra' told them that `Ali bin Mushir narrated to them from Dawud bin Abi Hind, who narrated from `Ikrimah that Ibn `Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "When a woman delivers after nine months, the baby will only need twenty-one months of suckling. When she delivers after seven months, the baby will need twenty-three months of suckling. When she delivers after six months, the baby will need two full years of suckling, because Allah says, وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَـلُهُ ثَلاَثُونَ شَهْراً حَتَّى إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُ (and his gestation and weaning is thirty months, till when he attains full strength)." meaning, he becomes strong, youthful, and attains full ability. وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةً (and reaches forty years,) meaning, his complete intellect, understanding, and patience reach the level of maturity. It has also been said that usually one will not change his ways once he reaches the age of forty. قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِى (he says: "My Lord! Grant me the power and ability) meaning, `inspire me.' أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِى أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَىَّ وَعَلَى وَالِدَىَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَـلِحاً تَرْضَـهُ (that I may be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You,) meaning, in the future. وَأَصْلِحْ لِى فِى ذُرِّيَّتِى (and make my offspring good.) meaning, my offspring and descendants. إِنَّى تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّى مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ (Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims.) This contains an instruction for anyone who reaches forty years of age to renew his repentance and turn to Allah with strong resolution. Allah then says, أُوْلَـئِكَ الَّذِينَ نَتَقَبَّلُ عَنْهُمْ أَحْسَنَ مَا عَمِلُواْ وَنَتَجَاوَزُ عَن سَيْئَـتِهِمْ فِى أَصْحَـبِ الْجَنَّةِ (Those are the ones from whom We shall accept the best of what they did and overlook their evil deeds. (They shall be) among the dwellers of Paradise.) meaning, those to whom applies the above description -- those who repent to Allah, turn back to Him, and rectify their shortcomings through repentance and seeking forgiveness - those are the ones from whom We will accept the best of what they did and overlook their evil deeds. Many of their errors will be forgiven and Allah will accept from them a modest amount of deeds. فِى أَصْحَـبِ الْجَنَّةِ (among the dwellers of Paradise.) which means that they will be among the dwellers of Paradise. That is Allah's ruling concerning them, as He has promised for those who repent and turn to Him. Thus, He says, وَعْدَ الصِّدْقِ الَّذِى كَانُواْ يُوعَدُونَ (That is the promise of truth that they had been promised.)

The Suckling Period is only Two Years This is a direction from Allah to the mothers to suckle their infants through the complete term of suckling, which is two years. Hence, suckling after two years is not included in this address. Allah said: لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ (...who desire to complete the term of suckling,) Therefore, the suckling that establishes Tahrim (prohibition, i.e., one cannot marry his mother or sister from suckling) is what occurs before the two years end. If the infant is suckled only after two years of age, then no Tahrim will be established. At-Tirmidhi under Chapter: `Suckling establishes Tahrim within the first two years,' reported that Umm Salamah narrated that Allah's Messenger ﷺ said: «لَا يَحْرُمُ مِنَ الرَّضَاعِ إِلَّا مَا فَتَقَ الْأَمْعَاءَ فِي الثَّدْيِ وَكَانَ قَبْلَ الْفِطَام» (Suckling establishes Tahrim if it is on the breast and before Fitam (before weaning, i.e., before the end of the first two years).) At-Tirmidhi said, "This Hadith is Hasan Sahih. The majority of the people of knowledge among the Companions of Allah's Messenger ﷺ and others acted upon this, that is that suckling establishes Tahrim (prohibition in marriage) before the end of the two years and that whatever occurs after that does not establish Tahrim". At-Tirmidhi is alone in recording this Hadith and the narrators in its chain meet the criteria of the Sahihayn. The Prophet's statement: «إِلَّا مَا كَانَ فِي الثَّدْي» (On the breast) refers to the organ of suckling before the two years. Imam Ahmad reported a Hadith in which Al-Bara' bin `Azib narrated, "When Ibrahim, the Prophet's son, died, the Prophet said: «إِنَّ ابْنِي مَاتَ فِي الثَّدْيِ، إِنَّ لَهُ مُرْضِعًا فِي الْجَنَّـة» (My son has died on the breast and he has someone to suckle him in Paradise.) Furthermore, Ad-Daraqutni related that Ibn `Abbas said that Allah's Messenger ﷺ said: «لَا يَحْرُمُ مِنَ الرَّضَاعِ إِلَّا مَا كَانَ فِي الْحَوْلَيْن» (Suckling establishes Tahrim only within the (first) two years.) Imam Malik reported this Hadith from Thawr bin Zayd who narrated that Ibn `Abbas related it to the Prophet . Ad-Darawardi reported this Hadith from Thawr who narrated it from `Ikrimah who narrated it from Ibn `Abbas. In this narration, which is more authentic, he added: «وَمَا كَانَ بَعْدَ الْحَوْلَيْنِ فَليْسَ بِشَيْء» (Whatever occurs after the two years is not considered.) Suckling beyond the Two Years It is reported in the Sahih that `A'ishah thought that if a woman gives her milk to an older person (meaning beyond the age of two years) then this will establish Tahrim. This is also the opinion of `Ata' bin Abu Rabah and Layth bin Sa`d. Hence, `A'ishah thought that it is permissible to suckle the man whom the woman needs to be allowed in her house. She used as evidence the Hadith of Salim, the freed slave of Abu Hudhayfah, where the Prophet ordered Abu Hudhayfah's wife to give some of her milk to Salim, although he was a man, and ever since then, he used to enter her house freely. However, the rest of the Prophet's wives did not agree with this opinion and thought that this was only a special case. This is also the opinion of the majority of the scholars. Suckling for Monetary Compensation Allah said: وَعلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (...but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis.) meaning, the father of the baby is obliged to provide for the expenses of the mother and to buy her clothes, in reasonable amounts usually used by similar women in that area, without extravagance or stinginess. The father spends within his means in this case. Allah said in another Ayah: لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّآ ءَاتَاهُ ال��َّهُ لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْساً إِلاَّ مَآ ءَاتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْراً (Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease.) (65:7) Ad-Dahhak commented, "If the husband divorces his wife, with whom he had a child, and she suckles that child, he is required to provide for the mother's expenses and clothes within reason." No Darar (Harm) or Dirar (Revenge) Allah said: لاَ تُضَآرَّ وَلِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا (No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child,) meaning, the mother should not decline to rear her child to harm its father. The mother does not have the right to refrain from suckling the child after giving birth, unless she suckles him/her the milk that is necessary for his/her survival. Later on, she is allowed to give up custody of the child as long as she does not do that intending to harm the father. In addition, the father is not allowed to take the child from his mother to harm the mother. This is why Allah said: وَلاَ مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ (...nor father on account of his child.) meaning, by taking the child from its mother intending to harm the mother. This is the Tafsir of Mujahid, Qatadah, Ad-Dahhak, Az-Zuhri, As-Suddi, Ath-Thawri and Ibn Zayd, and others on this Ayah. Allah then said: وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذلِكَ (And on the (father's) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father).) meaning, by refraining from harming the relative (of the father, i.e., his infant), as Mujahid, Ash-Sha`bi and Ad-Dahhak stated. It was also reported that (the Ayah requires) the inheritor (of the father) to spend on the mother of the child, just as the father was spending, and to preserve her rights and refrain from harming her, according to the Tafsir of the majority of the scholars. We should state that Ibn Jarir has explained this subject in detail in his Tafsir and that he also stated that suckling the child after the second year might harm the child's body and mind. Sufyan Ath-Thawri narrated that `Alqamah asked a woman who was suckling her child after the second year ended, not to do that. Fitam (weaning) occurs by Mutual Consent Allah said: فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالاً عَن تَرَاضٍ مِّنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلاَ جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا (If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no sin on them.) This Ayah indicates that if the father and the mother decide on the Fitam (weaning) before the two years (of suckling) end, and for a benefit that they duly discuss and agree upon, then there is no sin in this case. So, the Ayah indicates that one parent is not allowed to make this kind of decision without duly consulting the other parent, as stated by Ath-Thawri. The method of mutual consultation protects the child's interests. It is also a mercy from Allah to His servants, for He has legislated the best method for parents to rear their children, and His legislation guides and directs the parents and the children to success. Similarly, Allah said in Surat At-Talaq (chapter 65 in the Qur'an): فَإِنْ أَرْضَعْنَ لَكُمْ فَـَاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ وَأْتَمِرُواْ بَيْنَكُمْ بِمَعْرُوفٍ وَإِن تَعَاسَرْتُمْ فَسَتُرْضِعُ لَهُ أُخْرَى (Then if they give suck to the children for you, give them their due payment, and let each of you accept the advice of the other in a just way. But if you make difficulties for one another, then some other woman may give suck for him (the father of the child).) (65:6) Allah then said: وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمْ أَن تَسْتَرْضِعُواْ أَوْلَـدَكُمْ فَلاَ جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُم مَّآ ءَاتَيْتُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (And if you decide on a foster suckling-mother for your children, there is no sin on you, provided you pay (the mother) what you agreed (to give her) on a reasonable basis.) meaning, if the mother and the father both agree that the father assumes custody of the child due to a circumstance that compels her or allows him to do so, then there is no sin in this case. Hence, the mother is allowed to give up the child and the father is allowed to assume custody of the child. The father should kindly give the mother her expenses for the previous period (during which she reared and suckled the child), and he should seek other women to suckle his child for monetary compensation. Thereafter, Allah said: وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ (And fear Allah) meaning, in all of your affairs, وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ (And know that Allah is All-Seer of what you do.) meaning, none of your affairs or speech escapes His perfect Watch.