Resolving Family Conflict

Making Peace between Disputing Muslims Allah commands making peace between Muslims that fight each other, وَإِن طَآئِفَتَانِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ اقْتَتَلُواْ فَأَصْلِحُواْ بَيْنَهُمَا (And if two parties among the believers fall to fighting, then make peace between them both.) Therefore, Allah calls both opposing groups among Muslims, believers, although they are fighting each other. Al-Bukhari and other scholars relied on this Hadith as evidence that committing a sin does not nullify faith, no matter how major the sin is. This creed contradicts the creed of the Khawarij sect and those who accepted their idea, such as the Mu`tazilah sect. Al-Bukhari narrated that Al-Hasan said that Abu Bakrah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ gave a speech on the Minbar while Al-Hasan bin `Ali was with him. He was repeatedly looking at Al-Hasan and then at the people; then said, «إِنَّ ابْنِي هذَا سَيِّدٌ وَلَعَلَّ اللهَ تَعَالَى أَنْ يُصْلِحَ بِهِ بَيْنَ فِئَتَيْنِ عَظِيمَتَيْنِ مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين» (Verily, this son of mine is a Sayyid (chief or master), and may Allah make peace between two great groups of Muslims through him.) What the Prophet said, occurred. Al-Hasan brought peace between the people of Ash-Sham and `Iraq, after they fought tremendous wars and frightening battles. Allah's statement, فَإِن بَغَتْ إِحْدَاهُمَا عَلَى الأُخْرَى فَقَـتِلُواْ الَّتِى تَبْغِى حَتَّى تَفِىءَ إِلَى أَمْرِ اللَّهِ (But if one of them outrages against the other, then fight you (all) against the one that which outrages till it complies with the command of Allah.) means, until the rebellious group refers to the commands of Allah and His Messenger for judgement and they listen to and obey the truth. There is a Hadith in the Sahih in which Anas states that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, «انْصُرْ أَخَاكَ ظَالِمًا أَوْ مَظْلُومًا» (Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.) "I asked, `O Allah's Messenger! It is right that I help him if he is oppressed, but how should I help him if he is an oppressor' He said, «تَمْنَعُهُ مِنَ الظُّلْمِ فَذَاكَ نَصْرُكَ إِيَّاه» (By preventing him from oppressing others; this is how you help him in this case.)" Sa`id bin Jubayr said that tribes of Aws and Khazraj once got in a scuffle using date tree branches and slippers. Allah revealed this honorable Ayah commanding them to make peace between them. As-Suddi said, "A man from Al-Ansar, whose name was `Imran, had a wife called Umm Zayd. She wanted to visit her family, but her husband prevented her from visiting them by locking her in an upper room. So, none of her family could visit or see her. She sent someone to her family. They came, took her down from the room and wanted to take her away. Her husband was absent at the time, so his family called on their people. Their cousins came to help prevent the wife from going with her family. A push and shove situation occurred that led to them fighting using slippers. This Ayah was then revealed in their case, and the Messenger of Allah ﷺ sent someone to bring peace between them, and they both agreed to resort to the decision of Allah the Exalted." The statement of Allah the Exalted, next, فَإِن فَآءَتْ فَأَصْلِحُواْ بَيْنَهُمَا بِالْعَدْلِ وَأَقْسِطُواْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ (Then if it complies, then make reconciliation between them justly, and be equitable. Verily, Allah loves those who are the equitable.) means, be fair in your judgement regarding the dispute that occurred between them, إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ (Verily, Allah loves those who are the equitable.) Ibn Abi Hatim recorded, that `Abdullah bin `Amr said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, «إِنَّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ فِي الدُّنْيَا عَلَى مَنَابِرَ مِنْ لُؤْلُؤٍ بَيْنَ يَدَيِ الرَّحْمنِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ بِمَا أَقْسَطُوا فِي الدُّنْيَا» (Verily, those who are equitable in this life, will be on podiums made of pearls before Ar-Rahman, the Exalted and Most Honored, on account of their fairness in this life.) An-Nasa'i collected this Hadith. Allah's statement, إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ (The believers are but a brotherhood.) means, all of them are brothers in Islam. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, «الْمُسْلِمُ أَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ لَا يَظْلِمُهُ وَلَا يُسْلِمُه» (The Muslim is the brother of the Muslim, he is not unjust with him nor does he forsake him.) In the Sahih, «وَاللهُ فِي عَوْنِ الْعَبْدِ مَا كَانَ الْعَبْدُ فِي عَوْنِ أَخِيه» (Allah helps the servant as long as the servant helps his brother.) Also in the Sahih: «إِذَا دَعَا الْمُسْلِمُ لِأَخِيهِ بِظَهْرِ الْغَيْبِ قَالَ الْمَلَكُ: آمِينَ وَلَكَ بِمِثْلِه» (If the Muslim invokes Allah for the benefit of his absent brother, the angel says afterwards, "Amin, and for you the same.") There are many Hadiths with this meaning, such as, in the Sahih, «مَثَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ فِي تَوَادِّهِمْ وَتَرَاحُمِهِمْ وَتَوَاصُلِهِمْ كَمَثَلِ الْجَسَدِ الْوَاحِدِ، إِذَا اشْتَكَى مِنْهُ عُضْوٌ تَدَاعَى لَهُ سَائِرُ الْجَسَدِ بِالْحُمَّى وَالسَّهَر» (The parable of the believers in relation to the kindness, mercy and compassion they have for each other, is that of the body: when an organ of it falls ill, the rest of the body responds with fever and sleeplessness.) And also in Sahih. «الْمُؤْمِنُ لِلْمُؤْمِنِ كَالْبُنْيَانِ يَشُدُّ بَعْضُهُ بَعْضًا» (A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other.) The Prophet then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced. Allah's statement, فَأَصْلِحُواْ بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ (So make reconciliation between your brothers, ) refers to the two groups that fight each other, وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ (and have Taqwa of Allah) in all of your affairs, لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ (that you may receive mercy.) and this is a promise from Allah that He will grant mercy to those who fear and obey Him.

The Ruling Concerning Desertion on the Part of the Husband Allah states, and thus legislates accordingly, that sometimes, the man inclines away from his wife, sometimes towards her and sometimes he parts with her. In the first case, when the wife fears that her husband is steering away from her or deserting her, she is allowed to forfeit all or part of her rights, such as provisions, clothing, dwelling, and so forth, and the husband is allowed to accept such concessions from her. Hence, there is no harm if she offers such concessions, and if her husband accepts them. This is why Allah said, فَلاَ جُنَاْحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحاً (there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves;) He then said, وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ (and making peace is better) than divorce. Allah's statement, وَأُحْضِرَتِ الأنفُسُ الشُّحَّ (And human souls are swayed by greed.) means, coming to peaceful terms, even when it involves forfeiting some rights, is better than parting. Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded that Ibn `Abbas said, "Sawdah feared that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ might divorce her and she said, `O Messenger of Allah! Do not divorce me; give my day to `A'ishah.' And he did, and later on Allah sent down, وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَـفَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزاً أَوْ إِعْرَاضاً فَلاَ جُنَاْحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ (And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no sin on them both) Ibn `Abbas said, "Whatever (legal agreement) the spouses mutually agree to is allowed.". At-Tirmidhi recorded it and said, "Hasan Gharib". In the Two Sahihs, it is recorded that `A'ishah said that when Sawdah bint Zam`ah became old, she forfeited her day to `A'ishah, and the Prophet used to spend Sawdah's night with `A'ishah. There is a similar narration also collected by Al-Bukhari. Al-Bukhari also recorded that `A'ishah commented; وَإِنِ امْرَأَةٌ خَـفَتْ مِن بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزاً أَوْ إِعْرَاضاً (And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part), that it refers to, "A man who is married to an old woman, and he does not desire her and wants to divorce her. So she says, `I forfeit my right on you.' So this Ayah was revealed." Meaning of "Making Peace is Better Allah said, وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ (And making peace is better). `Ali bin Abi Talhah related that Ibn `Abbas said that the Ayah refers to, "When the husband gives his wife the choice between staying with him or leaving him, as this is better than the husband preferring other wives to her." However, the apparent wording of the Ayah refers to the settlement where the wife forfeits some of the rights she has over her husband, with the husband agreeing to this concession, and that this settlement is better than divorce. For instance, the Prophet kept Sawdah bint Zam`ah as his wife after she offered to forfeit her day for `A'ishah. By keeping her among his wives, his Ummah may follow this kind of settlement. Since settlement and peace are better with Allah than parting, Allah said, وَالصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌ (and making peace is better). Divorce is not preferred with Allah. The meaning of Allah's statement, وَإِن تُحْسِنُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيراً (But if you do good and have Taqwa, verily, Allah is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do) if you are patient with the wife you dislike and treat her as other wives are treated, then Allah knows what you do and will reward you for it perfectly. Allah's statement, وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُواْ أَن تَعْدِلُواْ بَيْنَ النِّسَآءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ (You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire,) means, O people! You will never be able to be perfectly just between wives in every respect. Even when one divides the nights justly between wives, there will still be various degrees concerning love, desire and sexual intimacy, as Ibn `Abbas, `Ubaydah As-Salmani, Mujahid, Al-Hasan Al-Basri and Ad-Dahhak bin Muzahim stated. Imam Ahmad and the collectors of the Sunan recorded that `A'ishah said, "The Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to treat his wives equally and proclaim, «اللَّهُمَّ هَذَا قَسْمِي فِيمَا أَمْلِكُ، فَلَا تَلُمْنِي فِيمَا تَمْلِكُ وَلَا أَمْلِك» (O Allah! This is my division in what I own, so do not blame me for what You own and I do not own) referring to his heart. This was the wording that Abu Dawud collected, and its chain of narrators is Sahih. Allah's statement, فَلاَ تَمِيلُواْ كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ (so do not incline too much to one of them) means, when you like one of your wives more than others, do not exaggerate in treating her that way, فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ (so as to leave the other hanging. ) referring to the other wives. Ibn `Abbas, Mujahid, Sa`id bin Jubayr, Al-Hasan, Ad-Dahhak, Ar-Rabi` bin Anas, As-Suddi and Muqatil bin Hayyan said that Mu`allaqah hanging means, "She is neither divorced nor married." Abu Dawud At-Tayalisi recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, «مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ امْرَأَتَانِ فَمَالَ إِلى إِحْدَاهُمَا، جَاءَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَأَحَدُ شِقَّيْهِ سَاقِط» (Whoever has two wives and inclines to one of them (too much), will come on the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides dragging.) Allah's statement, وَإِن تُصْلِحُواْ وَتَتَّقُواْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُوراً رَّحِيماً (And if you do justice, and do all that is right and have Taqwa, then Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.) The Ayah states: If you do justice and divide equally in what you have power over, while fearing Allah in all conditions, then Allah will forgive you the favoritism that you showed to some of your wives. Allah then said, وَإِن يَتَفَرَّقَا يُغْنِ اللَّهُ كُلاًّ مِّن سَعَتِهِ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَسِعاً حَكِيماً (But if they separate (divorce), Allah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His bounty. And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Wise. ) This is the third case between husband and wife, in which divorce occurs. Allah states that if the spouses separate by divorce, then Allah will suffice them by giving him a better wife and her a better husband. The meaning of, وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَسِعاً حَكِيماً (And Allah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Wise.) is: His favor is tremendous, His bounty is enormous and He is All-Wise in all His actions, decisions and commandments.

Forgiving or exacting Revenge on Wrongdoers وَجَزَآءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِّثْلُهَا (The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof). This is like the Ayat: فَمَنِ اعْتَدَى عَلَيْكُمْ فَاعْتَدُواْ عَلَيْهِ بِمِثْلِ مَا اعْتَدَى عَلَيْكُمْ (Then whoever transgresses the prohibition against you, you transgress likewise against him) (2:194), and وَإِنْ عَاقَبْتُمْ فَعَاقِبُواْ بِمِثْلِ مَا عُوقِبْتُمْ بِهِ (And if you punish, then punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted) (16:126). Justice, has been prescribed, in the form of the prescribed laws of equality in punishment (Al-Qisas), but the better way, which means forgiving, is recommended, as Allah says: وَالْجُرُوحَ قِصَاصٌ فَمَن تَصَدَّقَ بِهِ فَهُوَ كَفَّارَةٌ لَّهُ (and wounds equal for equal. But if anyone remits the retaliation by way of charity, it shall be for him an expiation) (5:45). Allah says here: فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ (but whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah. ) means, that will not be wasted with Allah. As it says in a Sahih Hadith: «وَمَا زَادَ اللهُ تَعَالَى عَبْدًا بِعَفْوٍ إِلَّا عِزًّا» (Allah does not increase the person who forgives except in honor.)" إِنَّهُ لاَ يُحِبُّ الظَّـلِمِينَ (Verily, He likes not the wrongdoers.) means, the aggressors, i.e., those who initiate the evil actions. وَلَمَنِ انتَصَرَ بَعْدَ ظُلْمِهِ فَأُوْلَـئِكَ مَا عَلَيْهِمْ مِّن سَبِيلٍ (And indeed whosoever takes revenge after he has suffered wrong, for such there is no way (of blame) against them.) means, there is no sin on him for taking revenge against the one who wronged him. إِنَّمَا السَّبِيلُ (The way) means, the burden of sin, عَلَى الَّذِينَ يَظْلِمُونَ النَّاسَ وَيَبْغُونَ فِى الاٌّرْضِ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ (is only against those who oppress men and rebel in the earth without justification;) means, those who initiate wrongful actions against others, as it says in the Sahih Hadith: «الْمُسْتَبَّانِ مَا قَالَا فَعَلَى الْبَادِىءِ، مَا لَمْ يَعْتَدِ الْمَظْلُوم» (When two persons indulge in abusing each other, the one who initiated the wrongful action is to blame, unless the one who was wronged oversteps the mark in retaliation.) أُوْلَـئِكَ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ (for such there will be a painful torment.) means, intense and agonizing. It was reported that Muhammad bin Wasi` said, "I came to Makkah and there was a security out post over the trench whose guards took me to Marwan bin Al-Muhallab, who was the governor of Basrah. He said, `What do you need, O Abu `Abdullah' I said, `If you can do it, I need you to be like the brother of Banu `Adiy.' He said, `Who is the brother of Banu `Adiy' He said, `Al-`Ala' bin Ziyad; he once appointed a friend of his to a position of authority, and he wrote to him: If you can, only go to sleep after you make sure that there is nothing on your back i.e., you do not owe anything to anyone, your stomach is empty and your hands are untainted by the blood or wealth of the Muslims. If you do that, then there will be no way (of blame) against you -- إِنَّمَا السَّبِيلُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ يَظْلِمُونَ النَّاسَ وَيَبْغُونَ فِى الاٌّرْضِ بِغَيْرِ الْحَقِّ أُوْلَـئِكَ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌ (The way is only against those who oppress men and rebel in the earth without justification; for such there will be a painful torment.)' Marwan said, `He spoke the truth, by Allah, and gave sincere advice. ' Then he said, `What do you need, O Abu `Abdullah' I said, `I need you to let me join my family.' He said, `Yes I will do that."' This was recorded by Ibn Abi Hatim. When Allah condemned wrongdoing and the people who do it, and prescribed Al-Qisas, He encouraged forgiveness: وَلَمَن صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ (And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives,) meaning, whoever bears the insult with patience and conceals the evil action, إِنَّ ذَلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الاٍّمُورِ (that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.) Sa`id bin Jubayr said, "This means, one of the things enjoined by Allah," i.e., good actions for which there will be a great reward and much praise.

Urging Those Who have been blessed with Wealth to give and to be tolerant Allah says, وَلاَ يَأْتَلِ (And let not swear) meaning, make an oath, أُوْلُواْ الْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ (those among you who are blessed with graces ) means, those who have the means to give charity and do good, وَالسَّعَةِ (and wealth) means, good fortune, أَن يُؤْتُواْ أُوْلِى الْقُرْبَى وَالْمَسَـكِينَ وَالْمُهَـجِرِينَ فِى سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ (to give to their kinsmen, the poor, and those who left their homes for Allah's cause.) means, do not swear that you will not uphold the ties of kinship with your relatives who are needy or who migrated for the sake of Allah, which is the ultimate act of kindness in the area of upholding kinship ties. Allah says, وَلْيَعْفُواْ وَلْيَصْفَحُواْ (Let them pardon and forgive.) past insults and bad treatment. This is part of the patience, generosity and kindness of Allah towards His creation, despite the fact that they wrong themselves. This Ayah was revealed concerning As-Siddiq, may Allah be pleased with him, when he swore that he would not help Mistah bin Uthathah after he said what he said about `A'ishah, as we have already seen in the Hadith. When Allah revealed the innocence of the Mother of the believers, `A'ishah, and the believers were happy and content with the outcome of this incident, and those believers who had talked about the matter repented, and the prescribed punishment had been carried out upon those on whom it was carried out, then Allah started to soften the heart of As-Siddiq towards his relative Mistah bin Uthathah. Mistah was the cousin of As-Siddiq, the son of his maternal aunt, and he was a poor man with no wealth except whatever Abu Bakr spent on him. He was one of those who had migrated for the sake of Allah. He had invented the lies and the slander, but then Allah accepted his repentance from that and the prescribed punishment was carried out on him. As-Siddiq was known for his generosity and he did favors to his relatives and strangers alike. When this Ayah was revealed: أَلاَ تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ (Do you not love that Allah should forgive you), which shows that the reward fits the action, and that `if you forgive others, you will be forgiven,' then As-Siddiq said, "Of course, by Allah, we love -- O our Lord -- that You should forgive us." Then he resumed his spending on Mistah and said, "By Allah I will never stop spending on him." This was to counteract what he had said previously, "By Allah I will never spend on him." This proves that he deserved to be called As-Siddiq, may Allah be pleased with him and his daughter.